Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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