Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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