I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
