I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
