You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
