Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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