I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
