I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
