And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
