Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
