Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
