Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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