don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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