I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As shirtless as possible
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
