She said her name was "party"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
