She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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