Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
