my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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