I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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