im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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