i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
