I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
