You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
