If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
