a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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