these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
