Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
