So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
