too bad you live with your parents still
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
