that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize