After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
