What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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