Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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