Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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