All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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