no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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