i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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