She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
