I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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