The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
