farters have to be the big spoon...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
