considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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