the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
