Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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