allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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