Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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