Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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