i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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