I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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