let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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