He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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