Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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