please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
