I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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