yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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