looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
