I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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