dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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