Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
