just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
