This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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