the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
