I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
