Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
