i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
