Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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