Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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