I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
