I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
