You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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