True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
